Managing stress as a family

Tips for managing stress as a family

No matter what causes stress for your family, there are steps you can take to manage it together.

· Realize that when one person is stressed it can affect the entire family. Family members don’t live in a vacuum. Their emotions and moods have strong effects on the people they love. For example, if your teenager is struggling to find a group of friends with whom she feels comfortable, it’s likely that her stress will play out in ways that affect others in your household. The same is true if you or another adult is going through a stressful period at work. That’s why it’s so important for families to learn to recognize each other’s stress warning signs and find healthy ways to help each other cope with stress.

· Think of stress management skills as important life skills your child needs to grow into an independent adult. Try to think of managing stress as a skill that’s just as important as learning how to tie your shoes or how to drive. And the best way to teach your child these skills is to learn and practice them together.

· Remember that it’s your responsibility as a parent to learn and model healthy ways of managing stress. Pay attention to how you behave when you’re under stress. Are you irritable? Do you overreact to small things? Do you seek relief in alcohol or other unhealthy habits? Or do you go for a walk or practice yoga to unwind? Remember that your actions can serve as powerful lessons for your child.

· Be aware of the expectations that family members put on each other and how these
can cause stress. Many teenagers say that parental expectations and pressures are
the source of most of the stress they feel. Most parental expectations exist for a
good reason, such as the expectation that your child will come home at a certain time each night, will drive responsibly, and will contribute to the household by doing chores. But sometimes parental expectations can result in undue pressure for children, such as the expectation that your child will apply to a certain college, play a specific instrument, or dress in a manner that you approve of. It’s also common for couples to have unrealistic expectations of each other, which almost always results in stress and conflict when these expectations aren’t met. Identify the expectations you and your family members have of each other and whether some of these might be causing stress

· Learn to rely on each other for extra support during stressful times. Notice when your child is under stress and ask him what’s going on. Remind your child that there are things he can do to feel less stressed out, including talking about whatever is troubling him. Help him brainstorm specific problem-solving steps to resolve a stressful situation. If you notice that your partner is going through a stressful period, you could offer to help out more around the house or to give a back rub. These actions send the message that you are there for each other in good times and in bad. And just knowing that you can count on your family is enormously reassuring to both parents and children alike.

· Make a commitment to slowing down as a family and enjoying each other’s company.
The fast-paced life that most working families lead often results in increased stress. Commit to eating a meal together several nights a week. Schedule these family meals ahead of time if it’s hard to get everyone together. Play board games together or go for a walk. Spend time talking with each other instead of watching television. These are all ways to stay connected with each other despite your busy lives.

· Think about your family priorities and how they play out in your lives. Sometimes we get so involved in the day-to-day business of working and being a family that we begin to lose track of our priorities. What’s most important to your family, and how is that reflected in your everyday lives? Do you make time to do the things that make you happy individually and alone? Think about how you can fit some of those activities back into your busy schedule to help everyone feel more balanced.

· Build a positive culture in your family. Try to focus on the things that family members do right instead of the things they do wrong. Notice when family members talk negatively and call their attention to it. Offer lots of praise and hugs, and say “I love you” frequently.

· Remember the power of listening. You may not be able to magically erase the stress that the people in your family feel, but by acting as a sounding board you can help family members talk about their stress, which is often the first step in dealing with it.

· Don’t ignore stress. Stress almost never goes away on its own. If your child or partner is under stress, don’t assume that it will just “go away” or that he’ll be able to handle it on his own. Instead, encourage him to take action to relieve the stress.

· Develop a family support network. Build a community of people who can offer extra help and support to your family. This community might include relatives, neighbors, friends, or people at your place of worship. Your support network should include people who can offer a helping hand to your family, whether it’s by babysitting or giving your child a ride to an after-school activity or simply listening. Remember that the best way to cultivate a circle of friends you can depend on is to be a friend who can be depended on.

· Get professional help if needed. If the signs of stress in your family become severe
or last for an extended period of time, seek help from your family’s health care provider, a mental health care provider, or a school counselor. Your employee resource program (EAP) can help you find a mental health care professional in your area and provide you with helpful resources and information. If you’re not sure how to contact your EAP, ask a human resources representative.

Six ways to start managing stress as a family right now

1. Have a family meeting to talk about how you can deal with stress together. Ask each person to talk about how stress affects your family and offer some ideas for dealing with it.

2. Use humor as a way to manage stress in your family. Rent a funny movie, tell funny stories when you’re eating together -- laugh as often as you can. Humor is one of the best stress relievers available.

3. Give yourself and your family “permission” to say no to some activities. An overloaded schedule can easily lead to family stress. Learn to say “no” to activities that will overextend your family.

4. Exercise together. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Take a hike in a nearby park or outdoor area. Exercise is a great way to deal with stress and spend time together as a family.

5. Get organized at home. Disorganization can make a hectic life feel very stressful. Get rid of things you don’t need or use anymore. Designate a spot for your car keys and for backpacks or briefcases. File old paperwork. Note appointments and events in a single family calendar.

6. Make an effort to eat healthful foods as a family. Good nutrition goes a long way to reducing physical and emotional stress. Make sure that your child has easy access to healthy snacks for the after-school hours and that the entire family eats a good balance of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.